


How to Catch a Wild Yamaguchi

by lovelyleftovers



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boyfriends, College AU, First Kiss, First Love, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, Some kurotsukki makeout, a little kurotsukki, a smidge of angst, suggested asanoya, suggested daisuga, suggested kagehina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-25 21:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6210145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyleftovers/pseuds/lovelyleftovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As soon as Kei meets Yamaguchi, his new roommate, he knows he's in trouble. But how many times can he actually screw up before he gets it right for once?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Who would have thought that my first time writing for Haikyuu! would be a TsukkiYama fic!? Not me. They're adorable, though. Anyways, Kei's a little less talkative in this fic than in the show, because I imagine all those years without his sunshine Yams has made him a little grumpier. Also, I know the pacing is a little wonky: I'll do better in the future. I hope you enjoy!

The first time Tsukishima Kei lays eyes on his new roommate, everything around him seems to still, and he has a stupid thought: _Freckles._

“Ah, you must be Tsukishima-san.” When the other boy smiles, his cheeks become round curves littered with tiny dots.

“Yeah,” he manages to say, if a bit gruffly. “And Tsukishima is fine.”

The boy nods and extends his hand. Kei takes it automatically, trying not to focus on how warm the smaller guy’s grip is.

“I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

This is about the time things begin moving again at normal speed. Yamaguchi leads Kei into their room, apologizing for already choosing a bed. Kei has to assure him three times that it’s fine, no, he doesn’t want to switch beds.

The room itself is painfully small, with a desk and a bed on either side. The entry way has two dressers, a coat rack, and a sink. They’re sharing showers and toilets with the rest of the floor, which Kei is trying not to think about too closely.

As they move about their new home, Kei finds that instead of becoming less aware of Yamaguchi, he seems to be focusing on him more and more. The way his voice sounds as he babbles in excitement (like seeing a flower bloom unexpectedly, if that were a sound), the way he’ll pause to drag his nails across his forearms (is that a nervous gesture?), the various things he tacks on his walls (his art degree makes sense, holy shit the kid can paint).

“Are you excited, Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi focuses his strangely level gaze on his roommate.

“Uh, yeah,” Kei replies. He’s not even that surprised to discover he’d been telling the truth.

…

“Yamaguchi.”

It’s only the third time Kei’s said his name, but finally there’s a response. Yamaguchi’s hazy eyes turn to focus fully on Kei. After three months, Kei’s still a little surprised by how much those dark eyes get to him.

“It’s late,” he continues, a little impatiently.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi’s eyes float back to the charcoal held tightly in his hand, the half-drawn image in front of him.

Kei sighs and shifts in his bed. A quick glance at the clock tells him that it’s two a.m., and both of them have an early morning class. He’d meant to stop Yamaguchi’s efforts before midnight, but pretending to study while watching him sketching from the corner of his eyes had seemed like a much better deal.

“It’s just not coming as easily as it has been,” Yamaguchi says quietly.

Kei wonders if he’s meant to respond to that.

After another moment, Yamaguchi sets his work aside and heads off to the bathroom. When he comes back, he’s in a pair of workout shorts—riding low enough to expose the elastic of his boxers—and nothing else. Kei tries not to openly gape before the light snaps off and sends them into darkness. Kei puts his glasses on his bedside table before planting his face in his pillow.

It had only taken a minute for Yamaguchi to crawl into bed, but Kei had managed to roll his eyes over the strange cluster of freckles over Yamaguchi’s left hip. From far away, it looks almost like a birthmark.

Kei rolls over, letting out a long breath through his nose. Don’t think about it, he thinks. Don’t think about the freckles. Which only makes him think about them more.

It hadn’t taken him long to discover that Yamaguchi wasn’t too shy about taking off his clothes. “I can’t sleep when I feel like I’m suffocating,” he’d explained. But eventually Kei had to deal with coming in from class to a shirtless Yamaguchi spread out across his comforter, half naked, like a fucking delicious human appetizer Kei wanted to sink his teeth into. “Sorry, Tsukki,” he always said. “Your bed is just so much more comfortable than mine.”

There were lots of things that Kei had come to learn about his roommate. He was warm and friendly to everyone, but not very outgoing. When he isn’t in class he shadows Kei, though Kei has no idea why. Kei’s not a great conversationalist, and he is far from a friendly person.

That doesn’t stop Yamaguchi from meeting up with him at the library, or the on-campus coffee house, chattering away about everything and anything, and sometimes falling into a comfortable silence while they both work.

“Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi’s soft voice startles Kei out of his sleepy analysis of Yamaguichi’s freckles. “What?”

“What do you dream about?”

What the fuck is he talking about? “Uh.”

“I mean, like, literally dream,” Yamaguchi clarifies.

Kei turns to face Yamaguchi’s bed, even though he can barely make it out in the dark. “I dunno. I don’t really dream that often.”

“Oh.” There was some rustling as Yamaguchi shifts. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

Kei knows. He’s been woken up more than once by Yamaguchi gasping or whimpering in his sleep. But that feels kind of stalkerish, so he doesn’t want to say that. “Oh.”

“I think coming to this program was a mistake.”

Kei props himself up on his elbow. “What? Why? You’re getting great grades, and you’ve got friends and stuff.”

Yamaguchi has a bunch of friends, but only a few close ones. One is Sugawara Koushi, who is nice and insists everyone call him Suga. Another is Hinata Shoyo, who is small and childlike in an annoying way. They are both pretty okay. Kei only really sees them on campus, as Yamaguchi doesn’t like other people spending time in their room. It’s his sanctuary, he says. But Yamaguchi spends a lot of time with them and their friend network.

“My art…it’s stagnating. My advisor says it’s probably an internal conflict. That I’m the only person who can hold me back.”

“That’s true,” Kei says. “You’re art’s amazing. And you’re smart, which means you won’t end up not being able to handle the business side of it all, when you want to do galleries and stuff.”

There’s some more rustling, but Yamaguchi doesn’t answer.

“Have you talked to Suga about it?” Kei asks finally.

“No,” Yamaguchi says. “Just you.”

Kei doesn’t even try to dampen the rush of pleasure he feels at that, even though the guilt quickly follows: don’t feel happy that Yamaguchi’s having problems he’s sharing with you, asshole.

“Not that Suga doesn’t give great advice,” Yamaguchi continues. “I just…I don’t think he knows me like you do, Tsukki.”

Damn straight, Kei thinks. He gives off a grunt so that Yamaguchi knows he heard him. Yamaguchi has to know by now that Kei’s friend group begins and ends in the confines of their dorm room.

They’re quiet again for so long that Kei’s able to fall asleep without much trouble.

  


The next day, Suga finds Kei at Foam and Steam, the coffee house on campus. He’s looking over notes for his math class when Suga slides into the booth across from him.

“Hey,” he says, giving Kei a blinding smile.

Kei grunts. “Yamaguchi should be here soon.”

“I wasn’t waiting for him, actually.”

Kei’s gaze meet Suga’s slowly. Now that he’s actually looking, there’s something tight in the corners of Suga’s eyes. Something like uneasiness slithers under Kei’s skin, but he forces himself to lean back in the booth. “Okay.”  


“Is Yamaguchi okay?”  


Kei’s brow furrows before he can stop it. “Yeah. I mean, he’s a little stressed out about school, but that’s about it. Why?”  


“He’s just seemed off. He hasn’t been hanging out very much.”  


This is news to Kei. Yamaguchi’s told him several times in the past week alone that he’d been hanging out with Suga and Hinata. Kei’s lips purse slightly.  


Suga’s eyes flick down to Kei’s mouth and back up. “You didn’t know?”  


Damn. Nothing escapes this guy. Kei considers telling Suga about the nightmares, but something like guilt stops him. If Yamaguchi wanted his other friends to know, he’d tell them, right? It wasn’t Kei’s place to spill someone else’s secrets. Especially Yamaguchi’s.  


“Maybe he has a girlfriend he doesn’t want anyone to know about,” he says instead. The thought of it makes Kei’s skin itch, but he spends enough time not-thinking about why to let it bother him now.  


Suga hesitates before nodding slowly. “Maybe.”  


They sit there in silence for a little while, but it’s nothing like the comfortable silence Yamaguchi offers Kei. He suddenly wants to see him, now, very badly.  


And like thinking him into existence, Yamaguchi fumbles through the door, accompanied by a gust of cold fall air. He grins when he catches Suga and Kei sitting together.  


“This project is going to be the death of me, I swear,” he says breathlessly.  


Kei scoots further into the booth, and Yamaguchi slides in easily. Kei tries not to wonder why Suga is studying them so intently. He hopes that if there is something going on with Yamaguchi, Suga might be able to catch it, even if Kei can’t.  


But Yamaguchi seems normal, wrapping his cold hands around a coffee Kei’d bought him, bumping his knee against Kei’s to make sure he’s paying attention to a story Yamaguchi is telling him. There are bags under his eyes, but they’d been up late and up early.  


Are you okay? he wants to ask. You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?  


But he doesn’t say anything. The weight of his worry doesn’t seem to be effecting Yamaguchi like it is Kei, and he’s silently cursing Suga for making him feel afraid.

  


That night, Kei’s woken by his blanket being peeled off his back. His head pops up, and he squints blearily at the figure above him.  


“Yamaguchi?”  


“Sorry, Tsukki.” His voice shakes slightly. “Move over?”  


Kei complies, backing up into the wall before he can think. He’s suddenly much more awake as Yamaguchi’s body slides next to him. The blanket is pulled back up, and Yamaguchi’s close enough to him in the twin bed for Kei to count the freckles on his nose, see the gathering wetness in Yamaguchi’s wide, dark eyes.  


Holy shit, Kei thinks.  


“Um,” he says.  


“I dreamed that I couldn’t finish my final project,” Yamaguchi whispers. “Everyone laughed at me, and my parents were really mad. Really, really mad.”  


Kei bumps the side of his hand against Yamaguchi’s under the blanket. No, that wasn’t a warm spark between us when we touched, he thinks. “It’s just a dream,” he says.  


“Yeah.”  


They study each other quietly, and a tear slips out of Yamaguchi’s eye and over the curve of his nose. Kei’s fingers twitch as he watches as Yamaguchi reaches up and wipes it away.  


“You’re okay, aren’t you?” he asks quietly.  


“Yeah.” Yamaguchi’s chuckle is hollow, a dark shadow compared to the radiance of his genuine laugh. “I’m just being overdramatic.”  


Kei continues to study him carefully. “You’d tell me if you weren’t. Okay, I mean. Right?”  


“Of course, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi moves his fingers over so they rest against Kei’s under the blanket. “You’re my best friend.”  


“You’re my only friend.”  


This makes Yamaguchi laugh. “Suga’s your friend!”  


Kei shrugs awkwardly. “Not really. He’s worried about you.”  


Yamaguchi’s smile fades quickly. “He said something to you?”  


Kei says nothing and keeps his face neutral. Yamaguchi’s eyes roam over his expression, a sigh coming out from between his lips.  


“Would you still be my friend if we hadn’t roomed together?” Yamaguchi asks quietly.  


Kei raises his eyebrows at the veer in topic. “Probably not. But that’s just because I most likely wouldn’t have met you otherwise.”  


“But if you had met me, like in a class or something,” Yamaguchi persists.  


“Well, yeah, then.” Kei feels his familiar frown pulling at his mouth. Where the hell is this going?  


“Why don’t you meet more people?”  


“I’ve never really had friends.”  


“Why?”  


He raises an eyebrow at the incredulity in Yamaguchi’s voice. “C’mon. You’ve met me.”  


The bed shakes with Yamaguchi’s laughter, and this time it’s real. “I have. The first few days, I wondered if you’d ever smiled in your life. But you’re really nice, Tsukki, underneath your grumpy frown.”  


“We can’t all be popular like you, Yamaguchi,” he says, and his mouth is curled up a little at the corners. “Besides, I don’t really need friends. Or want them.” He thinks, because I have you.  


“I never had friends, either,” Yamaguchi says quietly. “I got bullied a lot.”  


A shock goes through Kei. He presses his fingers harder against Yamaguchi’s without really noticing, but he doesn’t say anything.  


“You know when I knew we’d be friends?” Yamaguchi asks.  


Kei takes in his playful smile. “No.”  


“We’d been here about a week, and you remember how we didn’t really talk all that much? Well, I talked a lot, but you mostly just grunted.”  


Kei resists the urge to grunt now. “Yes.”  


“There was one day when you came home from class and I was working. And after a while you said, ‘Something good happen?’ And I said, ‘Um, I made another friend today.’ When I asked you about it, do you remember what you said?”  


Kei hesitates for a moment. He remembers this conversation: the friend had been Hinata. But he doesn’t remember what he’d said. He finally just shakes his head.  


“You said, ‘You only use pastels when something really good’s happened.’” Yamaguchi gives him a fond smile that seems overly intimate in the dark, in Kei’s bed. “I was surprised you’d noticed. And because you’d noticed, I knew you cared about me.”  


Kei tries to swallow, but his mouth is suddenly arid between the dunes of his taste buds. Wow, I am so fucked, he thinks.  


“It’s late,” he says finally. “Go to bed, Yamaguchi.”  


“Sorry, Tuskki.” Yamaguchi offers another small smile before his eyes dutifully close.  


Kei spends a good chunk of time staring at Yamaguchi’s face before gently hooking his little finger with Yamaguchi’s. When the other doesn’t respond, Kei knows that he’d judged correctly: the kid was already asleep.  


…

Things improve for Yamaguchi after that night. He never comes back to Kei’s bed, and his nightmares seem to ease. He gets through his project easily. Kei isn’t surprised by this, but he is surprised to discover they’d both chosen to stay at school over the holiday break, only parting ways to celebrate Christmas and the New Year with their families. They spend most of their time beforehand watching every good movie on Netflix, and then every bad one, laughing and eating popcorn by the bag. Kei has never felt more relaxed in his life.  


It shouldn’t surprise him that Yamaguchi sends him a “Happy New Year, Tsukki! See you soon” text, complete with an adorable selfie of Yamaguchi at a festival, cheeks bright pink from the cold. He sends back a very lame “Same to you,” and feels like dying for three days after.  


Kei also shouldn’t be surprised that things should change between them somewhat when they return to school, but it does. And Kei has no one to blame but himself.

His attraction to Yamaguchi is out of control. Kei thinks that he’s probably become desensitized or something over the break, because now a shirtless Yamaguchi is enough to send blood straight to Kei’s dick. He’s started to feel frustrated in a lot of ways, none of which are healthy or pleasant for their friendship.  


“Are you okay, Tsukki?”  


“I’m fine.”  


He knows he just ripped Yamaguchi’s head off, but what could he say? I’m waiting for you to go to bed so I can sneak off to the public toilet and jerk off to the thought of you pinned under me?  


“Okay. Sorry, Tsukki.”  


Guilt. Try to ignore Yamaguchi’s hurt expression. This will pass.  


It doesn’t pass. In fact, it becomes a focus of Kei’s even when Yamaguchi isn’t around.  


Kei really never bothered to think about dumb inconsequential shit, like, for instance, his sexual orientation. He basically loathed everyone until Yamaguchi, so there wasn’t much to go off of, crush-wise. And when he’d first started having sex dreams, he realized that, yeah, he dreamed about partners with junk very similar to his own, but he’d taken it stride, the way he’d done with everything else in his life. Address it, categorize it, move the fuck on.  


But his strategy isn’t working with Yamaguchi. He’d addressed it (I have the hots for my roommate, and probably some feelings, too), he’d categorized it (weird emotional/hormonal shit I don’t want to deal with), but he can’t move on. Not when he isn’t one hundred percent sure that Yamaguchi can’t return his affections.  


The problem is that he had absolutely no fucking idea how to go about finding out that information. He thinks about just asking him—hey, are you straight or what?—but that seems like a really terrible idea. Asking Suga or Hinata is out of the question, too: he doesn’t want anything getting back to Yamaguchi.  


So, eventually, a random series of events makes the decision for him.  


“—and there’s going to be drinking, too, so I’m just not sure.”  


Kei lifts his eyes from his textbook to Yamaguchi. He’s staring intently at his sketchbook, tapping a pen against the plushness of his bottom lip.  


“What?” Kei asks.  


Yamaguchi sighs. “I knew you weren’t listening.”  


“Sorry, Yams.”  


Yamaguchi’s lip twitches against the pen, and Kei knows he’s been forgiven.  


“Hinata’s friend Kenma’s friend Kuroo is throwing a party tonight. Suga’s going to be there with Daichi, and I think Hinata’s crush will be there, too. So it sounds like a lot of couples, and there’s going to be drinking, so I don’t think I want to go.”  


Kei wants to ask who the fuck Daichi is, but he refrains. It’s probably something he’s supposed to know, and he doesn’t want Yamaguchi to get mad at him. “If you didn’t want to go, you wouldn’t be talking about it. You would have just told them no.”  


The pen slips between Yamaguchi’s lips and he bites down idly. Kei tries to keep himself from dying.  


“I guess you’re right,” Yamaguchi says finally.  


“I can go with you.”  


Yamaguchi’s eyes snap over to his, and Kei feels his skin combust. “What?”  


“I mean, uh.” Kei’s eyes slid to the side, and he shrugs a little. “If you want. It’s no big deal, I don’t have—”  


“Let’s go!” Yamaguchi’s gripping his sketchbook hard enough to wrinkle the pages, and his eyes are unnervingly bright. “I’ll text Hinata right now!”  


Something like dread fills Kei’s stomach, and this only gets worse after Yamaguchi showers and puts on a pair of skinny jeans and a patterned t-shirt that hugs his biceps nicely. Kei briefly thanks the heavens that there will be alcohol so he’ll be able to extinguish the fire in his veins.  


“You look really nice, Tsukki.” His grin makes the sunlight look weak.  


Kei fiddles with the hem of his black button down, wondering if it’s too late to back out.  


But not twenty minutes later, they’re being ushered through a stranger’s door by Hinata, who’s even louder under the influence. They toss their coats on a pile by the door before they’re dragged further into the apartment.  


The party itself is just what he’s expected: a fuckton of people he doesn’t know all crammed together in darkened rooms, loud music, and alcohol. Yamaguchi and Hinata are shouting excitedly to each other, and Kei makes sure to stick close. He doesn’t want to lose them in the press of bodies.  


Eventually he spots Suga in the crowd. He’s pressed up against a tall, dark haired guy, and they’re grinding pretty impressively to the music. As soon as Suga slips his tongue into the other guy’s mouth, Kei averts his eyes. Daichi? he wonders, but doesn’t dwell.  


“Gross, Suga!” Hinata shouts.  


Yamaguchi laughs beside Kei, his shoulders jumping and brushing against Kei’s arm. Kei smiles faintly down at him, wondering where they can get the nearest drink.  


He shouldn’t be surprised when his eyes linger too long on the crowd, and when he looks back, both Yamaguchi and Hinata are gone. He squashes the bubble of anger that puts pressure between his lunges. He’s not a child, and Yamaguchi doesn’t need to babysit him. And vice versa.  


He quickly moves into another room, feeling relieved when he finds the kitchen. He looks across the bottles of alcohol on the counter before settling on making himself a rum and coke. He’s heavy on the rum, and it doesn’t take a long time before he can feel the muscles in his shoulders relaxing.  


“Are you doing shots?”  


He looks down at a short guy with dark hair and a dyed blonde streak. He’s grinning excitedly, his eyes trained on Kei.  


“No,” Kei says. “But I’m not opposed to it.”  


The guy crows before dragging a much taller guy over to him. “I’m Noya, and this is Asahi.”  


“Tsukishima,” he responds.  


“Shots!” Noya shouts.  


They each do a shot of Tequila, and then two of vodka. Kei chases his with his mixed drinks, and grimaces in sympathy as Asahi gags after each shot. Noya is taking everything as easily as water.  


Eventually Suga and Daichi(?) wander up, and then Kei’s informed that Noya and Asahi are boyfriends, and they’re old friends of Daichi’s(!), who is Suga’s boyfriend. Kei nods, a little pleased that he’s finally in the loop, before slipping away to find Yamaguchi.  


He stumbles a little, and he realizes that he’s had a shitton to drink, and holy shit, he’s fucking trashed. His vision swims a little, but when they land on Yamaguchi, he feels a sharp knife of sobriety stab his brain.  


He’s on a couch arm, a cute blonde girl draped over his lap. She has an arm around his shoulders, and reaches out to tousle Hinata’s hair. Kei misses the fact that Hinata’s snuggled up to a stone faced kid with dark hair. All he can focus on is the way Yamaguchi’s hands are easily pressed into this girl’s hips, keeping her steady on him. The smile he’s giving her is happy and open: not uncomfortable or awkward at all.  


Kei heads back to the kitchen and pours another shot. He takes it without grimacing, which seems to alarm Suga.  


“Are you alright, Tsukishima?”  


“Fine,” he bites out. “I’m going to get some air.”  


He slips down a hall, which he thinks will lead him back to the coats, but instead takes him to a balcony. When he steps outside, a figure straightens, and a pair of strangely golden eyes fix on him.  


“Oh, sorry,” Kei mumbles.  


“Don’t be.” The guy is super tall, but not taller than Kei. He regards Kei openly, his eyes sliding down his body.  


Kei thinks it’s kind of creepy, but instead of complaining, he points to the guy’s hand. “Can I bum a smoke?”  


The guy grins. “You a smoker?”  


“Only socially.”  


“Wanna share one?”  


Kei meets his eyes steadily. “Sure.”  


The guy flicks the lit butt away and lights up a fresh one. He deeply inhales before passing it off to Kei. Kei also takes a deep inhale, not enjoying the familiar burn in his body. He coughs a little on his exhale and passes the cigarette back.  


“Shit. Haven’t had one for so long that I forgot how much I hate them.”  


The guy laughs, leaning back against the banister. “I’m Kuroo.”  


“Tsukishima.” He pauses as the guy passes the cigarette back. “Wait, is this your party?”  


“It is. I haven’t seen you here before, though.”  


Kei grunts. “Came with a friend.”  


“Who?”  


“Yamaguchi.”  


Kuroo pauses and then shakes his head.  


Kei tries again. “Hinata, then? Yamaguchi said he’s friends with someone named Kenma.”  


This one earns Kei another grin. “Hinata! That fucking ray of sunshine, huh?”  


“Yamaguchi’s friend,” Kei explains. “He’s fine in small doses.”  


“Yamaguchi your boyfriend?”  


Kei knows he’s glaring, and Kuroo holds up his hands in defense. “No,” Kei says coldly.  


“Jesus, sorry. Didn’t know you were so anti-gay or whatever.”  


“I’m not,” Kei says quickly.  


He regards the cigarette, his stomach lurching. He has a sudden thought of the bare curve of Yamaguchi’s shoulder in the dim light of his desk lamp, and heaves a sigh.  


“I’m actually very gay.” For my roommate. Who happens to be getting cozy with a cute girl right this very minute. Kei resists the urge to punch something or throw himself from the balcony.  


“Ohoho.” Kuroo’s fingers brush against Kei’s as he takes the little cigarette to finish it off.  


Kei glares at him again. “I don’t want to talk about Yamaguchi.”  


Kuroo nods knowingly. “And I don’t want to talk about Kenma.”  


Kei watches Kuroo flick the cigarette over the banister, but he doesn’t move to light another. Instead, he licks his lips and runs a hands through his obnoxiously disheveled hair.  


“We don’t have to talk at all, if you want,” Kuroo says.  


Kei nods, knowing what Kuroo’s suggesting. Not even a breath later, his lips are slotting against Kuroo’s, and Kuroo’s hands are hot and heavy on his hips. There’s a brief pause while the find a slight rhythm against each other, before Kuroo licks at Kei’s mouth, requesting entrance.  


Kei’s fingers grip Kuroo’s hair as he opens his mouth, deepening the kiss. The slide of tongues is hot and wet, but Kei isn’t distracted in the least. He can’t help thinking that Kuroo’s height isn’t right, and that when Kei sucks at his lower lip, Kuroo’s voice is too low, too deep. Kuroo’s an excellent kisser, and Kei’s having fun he guesses, but there’s someone else on his mind, someone else he’d much rather be kissing. And the buzzing in his veins isn’t lust: it’s booze, and that’s all.  


Kuroo’s hands slip up Kei’s back, pressing him closer. He drags Kei over to the edge of the balcony, leaning against the banister. Dimly, Kei realizes this is to give him some stability for when he rocks his hips against the front of Kei’s jeans. And, okay, maybe Kei’s getting half-hard. Kuroo’s an excellent kisser, and the friction feels good. Better than his own hand in a toilet stall at 3 a.m. because he can’t jerk off with Yamaguchi in the room.  


The balcony door opens, and while Kuroo makes no move to stop, Kei pulls away to squint at the door.  


Yamaguchi’s mouth is open a little, his hand still on the door handle. Kei steps back from Kuroo quickly, but it’s not quick enough.  


Yamaguchi’s eyes lower, and Kei watches him swallow once. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m heading home.”  


Kei nods. “Uh, okay—”  


“You can stay,” Yamaguchi says quickly. “Sorry to interrupt. See you at home.”  


He disappears back through the door and closes it quietly. Kei’s head spins, and he feels sick, but he can’t tell whether it’s the slickness of a stranger’s spit in his mouth, the alcohol, or the look on Yamaguchi’s face when he’d recognized Kei.  


“You live with the guy?”  


Kei turns to Kuroo and gives him a wooden nod.  


“Well, fuck, man. Does he know you’re…?”  


“Gay?” Kei watches Kuroo nod. “We’ve never talked about it. I guess he knows now.”  


“And you’re sure he’s not—”  


“Pretty positive.”  


Kuroo sighs. “Well, fuck, man.”  


“Yeah.” Kei rubs the back of his neck and backs away slowly. “Thanks for the cigarette.”  


“Thanks for letting me stick my tongue in your mouth.”  


Kei returns his crooked grin and waves before making his way back through the apartment. He feels weirdly in-between things: drunk and sober, angry and sad, being fine or breaking down. It doesn’t help when he finds a worried Suga tittering by the front door.  


“What happened?” he demands when he sees Kei.  


“What do you mean?” he asks flatly. He’s suddenly exhausted.  


“Yamaguchi was upset! He was—”  


Daichi puts a hand on Suga’s arm and shakes his head. Kei eyes them, but doesn’t have the energy to decode it.  


“I don’t know.” He locates his coat and tries to push past the Yamaguchi Protective Squad.  


“Tsukishima, he—”  


“Is a grown ass man who can take care of himself,” Kei snaps. “And I’m tired and I want to leave. I’ll see him when I get home and make sure he’s fine, so can I please fucking leave?”  


Suga blinks, and Kei thinks he maybe looks surprised. They hold each other’s gazes before Suga finally steps aside.  


When Kei stumbles home, Yamaguchi is already in bed with the lights off. Kei strips down to his boxers, fighting down an irrational anger welling up inside him at the sight of Yamaguchi’s beautiful hair spread across the pillow. Shit, it’s not his fault he’s straight. Kei collapses onto his bed and stares at Yamaguchi’s still form for a moment. He has the blanket pulled up to his ear, so Kei can’t see him.  


“Yamaguchi,” Kei says.  


Even drunk he can tell that Yamaguchi stiffens a little. He doesn’t answer, but he’s not asleep either.  


“Hey, Yamaguchi.”  


The fact that Yamaguchi is blatantly ignoring him pisses him off. Kei’s feet hit the floor with a thud, and he stumbles a little before his hands are pressed on his friend’s shoulders.  


“Hey.” He shakes him a little, suddenly overwhelmed by that oh shit something’s actually wrong feeling. Damn Suga. “Yamaguchi.”  


“Kei, for God’s sake, _leave me alone._ ”  


Kei feels like he’s been slapped. He drops his hands instantly from Yamaguchi’s blanket. His heart pounds painfully in his chest. He never thought that the first time he’d hear Yamaguchi say his given name it would sound so blistering.  


“Is it because of what you saw?” he asks finally. It feels better than saying, Is it because I’m gay for you and taking it out on (maybe) innocent party hosts?  


Yamaguchi says nothing. After a long moment, he pulls the blanket up over his head in a gesture that says nothing except Closed for Business: Fuck Off Tsukishima Kei.  


“Okay.” His voice is unsteady. Kei swallows hard, backing over to his bed. “Okay.”  


He considers leaving, but there’s nowhere for him to go. Instead, he shoves himself under his blanket and bites his fist so Yamaguchi won’t hear the drunken tears that crawl out of his eyes.  


Way to go, dickhead, he thinks. You’ve ruined everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! AND NO KUROTSUKKI THIS TIME, I SWEAR.
> 
> Enjoy!

When he wakes up, Kei’s stomach feels like it’s dissolving in its own acid, and his eyes are sore from not being able to stop his sniveling.  


He groans and throws the blanket off, letting the cool air settle over his skin. A quick glance tells him what he’s already expected: Yamaguchi is already gone. He wonders if this is a coincidence or if Yamaguchi’s avoiding him now.  


When he sits at Foam and Steam for over an hour and ends up throwing away the coffee he’d dutifully bought for Yamaguchi, he thinks he has his answer.  


He thinks he should be angry or something, but he really just feels dead inside. He wonders if Yamaguchi is mad that he’s gay, or more likely that he’s gay and didn’t tell him. He’s probably creeped out that Kei let him sleep half naked in his bed that one time. And Kei can’t really blame him.  


That night, Yamaguchi stumbles home at a completely unreasonably hour, and Kei pretends he’s still asleep as Yamaguchi slips into bed without a word.  


The next day is much of the same.  


On the third day, Yamaguchi comes home a little earlier, and they make awkward eye contact as he enters the room.  


“Hey,” Yamaguchi says.  


Kei lets his eye roam over how tense Yamaguchi’s smile is before dropping back down to his homework. “Hey.”  


They get ready for bed in silence, and something in Kei’s chest burns. He wonders if maybe he should switch rooms, but knows he would never have the balls to do it. He’d rather be near a Yamaguchi that despises and avoids him rather than have no Yamaguchi at all.

  


“Tsukishima!”  


Kei lifts his eyes from his textbook, only a little surprised that Suga’s all smiles sliding into his booth. He hasn’t seen Suga since the night of the party, and he really doesn’t want to think about it. “Hey,” he says.  


“How are you?”  


There’s something in Suga’s tone that instantly puts him on the defensive. It has the right amount of probing, coated in genuine friendliness. It’s too mothering to be trusted.  


“I’m fine,” he says. He closes his book, meeting Suga’s gaze steadily. “How are you?”  


“I’m good.” Suga unwraps his scarf and rubs his hands against his coffee cup. “Daichi’s been really busy with a group project for his marketing class, and Hinata’s driving me crazy, but that’s nothing really new.”  


“You baby him too much,” Kei says. “Hinata, I mean.”  


Suga laughs, his eyes squinting happily as he does so. “That’s true. Some days I have to remind myself that he’s only two years younger than me. He’s not a baby.”  


“He’s not your baby.”  


This earns Kei another laugh, though his own smile feels forced. Suga regards him for another moment, and Kei can tell by the tilt of his mouth that he’s rolling something around in his mind.  


“Spit it out, Suga.”  


Suga smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about how we left things at the party. I was so concerned with Yamaguchi that I failed to see that you were upset, too.”  


Kei blinks. It takes him an awkward moment to think of something to say. He can’t help that his gaze slides to the side as he speaks. “It’s fine. I mean, Yamaguchi’s your friend, so.”  


There’s a short pause. “You’re my friend too, Tsukishima.”  


Kei feels his shoulders tense against his will, and he can’t think of anything to say, so he doesn’t.  


“If something happened, you can always talk to me. I’ll keep it between us. I just…”  


He pauses for so long that Kei glances at him. His expression is sad, almost wistful. Kei doesn’t understand it, and he wishes Suga would hurry up and leave already. He’s just making them both uncomfortable.  


“It’s fine.” Kei’s voice is more wooden than he’d like. “I know I’m not the easiest person to talk to.”  


“I just want you to be happy, Tsukishima.” The little smile Suga gives him is genuine.  


Kei stares at him for a moment, drumming his fingers on the table. “Yamaguchi isn’t….speaking to me, anymore.”  


Suga’s eyes widen. “What?”  


Kei sighs, bumping up his glasses to rub his eyes. “He saw me making out with Kuroo at the party, and he hasn’t really spoken to me since.”  


“You made out with Kuroo!?” Suga’s back hits the booth and he stares openly at Kei.  


“I mean, yeah, but that’s not really the point.”  


Suga nods. “Yes. Sorry. I’m just processi— _you made out with Kuroo._ ”  


Kei grunts impatiently and slouches, folding his arms across his chest.  


“Right. Sorry, I’m done now.” Suga leans forward and puts his elbows on the table. “So what happened?”  


Kei observes some people enter the café, chattering and shoving each other playfully. “When I went home, he was already in bed. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. And then he told me to leave me alone.”  


Suga seems to be waiting for more. “And then?”  


Kei’s brows furrow. “And then I left him alone.”  


“Oh, Tsukishima.” Suga sighs and puts his chin on his arms.  


“What?” Kei’s voice rises an octave. “I just did what he told me to!”  


“So why do you think he’s ignoring you?”  


“Because he’s mad that I’m gay.”  


Suga levels him with a Look. “He doesn’t have a problem with me. Or Daichi. Or Hinata, for that matter.”  


“Hinata’s gay?” Kei stares at Suga and feels his lip curl. “Why is _everyone_ gay?”  


Suga sits up. “You know that Yamaguchi met us all at the gay-straight alliance meetings at the beginning of the year, right?”  


Kei blinks. He feels like Yamaguchi probably told him that but he wasn’t listening.  


Suga sighs again, even more dramatically. “You’re hopeless.”  


“I don’t think he’s, like, a bigot. That’s not what I meant,” Kei snaps. “I meant that he’s mad I didn’t tell him, you know. Before.”  


This gives Suga pause. “Okay, that sounds reasonable.”  


“I thought maybe he’d get over it or yell at me or something.” Kei really feels like putting his fist through the wall. He flicks over his empty coffee cup instead.  


“Maybe you should just, and, I don’t know, this is a pretty crazy suggestion, but perhaps it might work if you _just talk to the kid._ ” Suga grins at him not unkindly.  


Kei glares at him. “How about fuck you.”  


Suga laughs. “Seriously, Tsukishima. I think it might work.”  


Kei opens his textbook and stares at it. He’s not actually studying, but he doesn’t want to talk about Yamaguchi anymore, either.  


“Just think about it,” Suga adds.  


Kei watches from his peripherals as Suga takes a book out of his bag and starts reading. It takes an entire hour for Kei to realize that the silence between them isn’t as uncomfortable as it once was.

  


It takes Kei another three days to nut up. By this point the silence in their room is almost stifling, and it’s really hard not to notice Yamaguchi just staring at empty sketchbook pages instead of actually working, the same way Kei’s read this fucking sentence four hundred times already and has no idea what it says. It’s been almost a week of this nonsense, and Kei tries to draw on Suga’s kind advice before making the plunge.  


He clears his throat, but Yamaguchi doesn’t look up. Kei closes his book and shifts on his bed, facing Yamaguchi more directly.  


“So.” Suddenly he’s sweating and he feels like pitching himself from their window.  


Yamaguchi’s startled gaze meets his. He forces himself not to look away as Yamaguchi slowly shift his body so it faces Kei’s.  


“Can we, um. Talk? About what happened?” His face feels like it’s about to catch on fire.  


“Okay.” Yamaguchi sets his sketchbook aside.  


Kei clears his throat again. “I’m sorry, I guess. Wait, no, I don’t guess. I’m just sorry. About what you saw. I…you—you’re laughing.” Kei watches Yamaguchi’s smile vanish behind one of his hands, and his shoulders are jumping a little. “You’re laughing at me.”  


“I’m really sorry, Tsukki, I know you’re being serious. Your expression, though, it’s too good. You look like you’re really in pain.”  


“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He feels a little smile tug at the corners of his mouth.  


“Sorry, Tsukki.”  


The moment is so familiar that something like nostalgia washes over Kei. Fuck, it’s only been a week, no reason to get all weird about it.  


“Anyway,” Kei continues. His voice sounds way more relaxed. “I know you’re upset that I didn’t tell you sooner. I should have, but I guess it just never came up.”  


“It’s okay.” Yamaguchi’s laughter dies down enough for the mood to settle. “I am upset that you didn’t talk to me about it, but you don’t have to. It’s not a big deal.”  


“I mean, it’s kind of a big deal. Since you’ve been avoiding me.”  


Yamaguchi blinks, and there’s a little surprise in his expression. “I thought that’s what you wanted?”  


“ _What?_ ”  


Yamaguchi drags his nails across his forearms, which Kei now knows is definitely a nervous habit. “I mean, I was mad the first two days, and I thought space would be good, but after the third day when you didn’t try and talk to me, I thought you were really mad about how awfully I treated you. So.”  


“You were the one who told me to leave you alone!” Kei rubs his face in exasperation. “So that’s what I was trying to do.”  


“Oh.”  


There’s a long silence before Kei flops back on the bed and heaves a sigh. “We are fucking idiots.”  


“Yeah.” Kei can hear the smile in Yamaguchi’s voice. “Probably worse than Hinata.”  


“No one’s worse than Hinata.”  


When Yamaguchi laughs, something in Kei’s chest grinds to a halt and clicks firmly into place. He drags an arm over his face to keep Yamaguchi from seeing his smile. I’m so fucking in love with you, he wants to say.  


“Wanna get takeout and watch a movie?” he says instead.  


“Sure, Tsukki. That sounds nice.”  


After the third movie that night, Kei finds himself wanting to talk more about the past few months, the things left unsaid between them. He’s trying to figure out how to get the words out when Yamaguchi sends him a glance and a puzzled smile.  


“So, is there a reason you’re staring at me?”  


Kei instantly feels like he’s choking, and he’s pretty sure his face is redder than a sunburn.  


Yamaguchi laughs and falls back on his bed, pointing at Kei’s expression. “Breathe, Tsukki!”  


“I could say the same about you,” Kei grouses. After a pause filled with Yamaguchi’s laughter, he adds, “Idiot.”  


“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi wipes some tears out of his eyes before pointing at the TV. “Are you up for one more movie? Since we don’t have class tomorrow.”  


“Sure.”  


Yamaguchi chatters on about whatever while he scrolls through the options, searching for something they haven’t already seen. As he’s babbling, Kei takes a deep breath and—in his usual fashion—decides to just jump in without thinking.  


“Remember last semester when you were really upset and thinking about dropping out?”  


Yamaguchi stops in the middle of a sentence and his mouth closes with an audible click of his jaw. When he looks at Kei, his expression is more tired than anything. “Um, yeah.”  


“Were you hanging out with Suga and Hinata then?” Kei asks. He tries to keep his gaze level on Yamaguchi, impassive.  


“Uh.” Yamaguchi’s nose crinkles in the cutest way as he looks to the side. “Maybe?”  


“Suga came to talk to me once. He was worried about you. He said that you hadn’t been spending time with them, when you were telling me that you were.”  


Yamaguchi’s expression falls flat, and the two stare at each other across the room. They maintain eye contact for so long that Kei’s pretty sure his eyes are going to melt straight out of his skull.  


“You don’t have to tell me,” he grumbles. His eyes break away from Yamaguchi’s impossible expression. “I was just curious.”  


“I was with Yachi.”  


Kei glances back just long enough to take in Yamaguchi’s sheepish expression. A blush was crawling across his cheeks, making his freckles stand out even more. Kei searches his memory for the name, but it comes up completely blank. He wonders if it’s the girl he’d seen at the party, the one on Yamaguchi’s lap.  


“Okay,” Kei says when it looks like Yamaguchi isn’t going to supply any more information.  


“She’s in a lot of my classes, because we’re the same major,” Yamaguchi says. His blush is fading, and his gaze is unwavering on Kei’s face. “She’s really nice. And she kind of helped me get back on my feet.”  


“Oh,” Kei says. “Okay.”  


“I think you would really like her, you know, if you met her.”  


Something like jealousy crawls around under Kei’s skin. It’s suddenly weird. Super weird. Why does it sound like Yamaguchi is trying to convince Kei to like this girl? He manages a nod and a grunt before the silence between them gets too long.  


“Maybe I’ll bring her over sometime,” Yamaguchi says.  


It’s delivered almost like an afterthought, but it pierces something deep in Kei’s chest. He’d only ever brought Suga and Hinata over once before declaring their room a complete sanctuary, where no one could damper his creative space with distraction. But, suddenly, here was this secret girl, who seemed to be really important to Yamaguchi.  


It finally hits Kei. Yamaguchi is straight, and he’s too fucking adorable for his own good, and of course a girl was going to fall head over heels for him. Of course she would. Anyone would, really.  


I just wanted a little more time, Kei thinks.  


Yamaguchi picks something that ends up being terrifying, and they’re not even fifteen minutes in when Yamaguchi shrieks and is off his bed and into Kei’s in a heartbeat. Kei wraps a blanket around their shoulders, and Yamaguchi slumps into him, eyes wide and glued to the television screen. Kei looks down at him, illuminated by the weak light of the movie.  


Please, Kei thinks. Just give me a little more time.

  


Hitoka Yachi is blonde, adorable, and really, really tiny. Kei squints down at her as she fidgets next to him. She wrings her hands and gives him a shaky grin.  


“Want something to drink, Hitoka?” he asks awkwardly.  


She lets out a squeak that Kei wants to hate but really can’t bring himself to. “N-no! No thank you. And, um, Yachi’s fine.”  


The sleepover was Yamaguchi’s idea. Yachi arrived dutifully in soft pink sleep pants and an oversized t-shirt. Yamaguchi whined until Kei let him take one of his shirts to sleep in, because they’re less suffocating, and he can’t go to sleep half naked because, well, Yachi. Kei wants to ask why she’s allowed to stay over if Yamaguchi can’t even show her his nipples, but he refrains.  


Kei points at Yamaguchi’s bed. “You can sit. If you want.”  


“Okay!”  


Kei wants to sigh in relief as he sits down on his own bed. It’s only a few seconds before Yachi starts fidgeting again. Kei rubs his shoulder, which is tensing against his will. Her nervous energy is strangely infectious.  


Yamaguchi bursts through the door, causing Kei and Yachi to jump. “Sorry! Hinata got lost on his way over.”  


Hinata gives Kei a bright grin as he enters the room, even though they really can’t stand each other for too long most of the time. Kei resists the urge to slide his headphones on as Yamaguchi and Hinata dive onto the bed with Yachi, causing her to turn red and sputter like an adorable dying engine.  


They pick a movie, but chatter the whole way through it. Kei can’t help but notice how the three are always weirdly touching each other. At one point, Hinata is gripping Yamaguchi’s leg, Yamguchi has his hands on Yachi’s shoulders, and Yachi is stress-petting Hinata’s hair (which looks too forceful to be soothing, but Hinata doesn’t complain). All of their eyes are glued to the screen and Kei kind of wants to leave.  


He doesn’t, though. He stays through another movie. And then starts to doze off halfway through the third. He’s awake enough to hear the hissing start on the other side of the room.  


“Go sleep with Tsukki if there’s not enough room.”  


“I can’t! Kageyama will be mad if I sleep with another guy.”  


“Then sleep on the floor.”  


“Yamaaaaaaaa!”  


Kei rolls over and presses his face to the pillow. He wonders how Yachi is managing to sleep through their argument. She’s squished between them, but her light snoring never once falters.  


After a quiet moment, Kei finds himself starting to drift again. Then there’s some rustling, and his blanket is drawn back.  


“It’s just me,” comes Yamaguchi’s sleepy voice.  


Kei grunts and shifts over, accommodating the slide of Yamaguchi’s body against him. He breathes out slowly through his nose as his friend settles next to him.  


“You didn’t think this one through, Yams.”  


“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi chuckles. “This is fine though, right?”  


Kei hums. He’s exhausted. Not-watching Yamaguchi and Yachi all day has exhausted him.  


“Tsukki?”  


Kei grunts.  


“You like her, right?”  


Kei pauses, and something like dread swims around his brain. “Yeah, Yamaguchi. Of course.”  


“I thought you might.” The glee in Yamaguchi’s voice is too obvious.  


Hinata starts snoring, and he and Yachi’s tones are actually soothing in harmony. Kei’s side of the room remains quiet, so Kei thinks he can finally go to bed.  


“Tsukki?”  


“What.”  


“Thank you.”  


Kei turns his face to Yamaguchi and opens his eyes. The familiar dark gaze is there, syrupy warm. And Yamaguchi is giving him that fond smile again.  


Kei swallows hard. “For?”  


Yamaguchi blinds him with a wide smile before he closes his eyes and buries his face in the pillow. Kei stares at him, wondering if he is missing out on something. Just as he’s about to question him, Yamaguchi’s hand sneaks out and his small, warm fingers wrap around Kei’s palm.  


Kei closes his eyes and takes another deep breath. After a moment, he turns his face back to the wall, and just before he goes to sleep, he gives Yamaguchi’s fingers one gentle squeeze.  


…  


A month later, things are pretty normal. Yamaguchi spends a lot of time with Yachi, and Kei thinks their relationship is really fucking weird. Not just because he’s jealous (yeah, that’s definitely a part of it), but just because Yamaguchi and Yachi don’t ever _do_ anything. They just watch a lot of TV and complain about their classes and draw stuff together. Yamaguchi’s never even taken her on a date, and Kei kind of wants to tell him he’s being a shit boyfriend, but he feels that it’s really not his place to comment on it.  


Kei starts spending more time with Suga, which is nice, but it doesn’t deter him from thinking about Yamaguchi all the time, and missing him when they’re not together. He’d been hoping that the reality of Yamaguchi’s preferences, coupled with decreased time together would help Kei move on, or at least let go a little.  


It hasn’t, but Kei’s also become okay with everything. He’d rather have Yamaguchi as a friend than nothing at all, and it makes his heart throb unevenly to see how happy Yamaguchi is all the time.  


All in all, Kei has resigned himself to this fate, and has become comfortable with their new routine.  


So it’s all very shocking when Kei overhears Yachi and Yamaguchi talking about Yamaguchi going on a date with someone that’s not Yachi.  


Yachi and Yamaguchi are on Yamaguchi’s bed, Yamaguchi’s legs settled over Yachi’s legs as they draw. Kei’s been listening to music and staring at his class notes, and he’s just decided to give up. He pulls off his headphones, and Yamaguchi’s voice floods his ears.  


“I mean, we never really talked about it in depth, and I feel awkward just shooting him a text about it.”  


“Yeah. What’re you gonna wear?” Yachi’s voice is muffled by the charcoal pencil between her teeth.  


“I have no idea. Ugh—am I making this a bigger deal than it is? It’s just dinner, right?”  


Kei’s brow furrows, but he doesn’t say anything. He is very, very confused, however.  


“I wouldn’t stress out too much. I mean, Hinata is just trying to set everyone up now that he’s found The One.”  


Kei sees Yamaguchi move his sketchpad to stare skeptically at Yachi. “Says the girl who literally stresses out about everything.”  


Yachi splutters, her face turning red. “I’m being supportive, Yama!”  


Yamaguchi laughs. “I know. Thanks.”  


“And it’s just dinner. It’s not like you have to get married after.”  


Yamaguchi laughs.  


Kei’s thoughts are pretty simple: What. The. Fuck.  


He waits until Yachi leaves before he brings it up. “So, uh, I overheard. About the dinner thing.”  


Yamaguchi instantly turns red and shuffles his feet. “Uh, yeah. I mean, Hinata has been bugging us to go out for a while, so I think we’re just doing it to get him off our backs.”  


Kei gives him a weird look. “What about Yachi?”  


“What about her?” Yamaguchi’s expression has gone from embarrassed to confused.  


Kei feels his face heat up. “I mean, aren’t you guy dating?”  


Yamaguchi’s eyes widen. “No!”  


Kei sits back on his bed. He knows his face is on fire. “Oh. I just thought…well, never mind then.”  


“You thought Yachi and I were together?”  


Kei doesn’t say anything. Yamaguchi crawls into his own bed, but keeps an expectant stare on Kei.  


Kei sighs. “For a while now. You were trying so hard to get me to like her, and she’s around all the time, and you’re always touching. I just assumed.”  


Yamaguchi raises an eyebrow. “I’m always touching Hinata.”  


“Yeah, but Hinata’s like an animal. It doesn’t count.”  


Kei is rewarded by a bright Yamaguchi laugh. “That’s true. Well, I’m sorry you were confused.”  


“S’fine.” A lot of things make much more sense to Kei now. Of course Yamaguchi was being a shitty boyfriend: he wasn’t a boyfriend at all. The knowledge makes Kei feel two parts stupid and one part relieved.  


Yamaguchi stretches and lays back on his bed, his jaw cracking with the force of this yawn. “Ready for lights out?”  


Kei grunts, and Yamaguchi turns off the light with his foot. After a moment, there’s a soft sound, which tells Kei that Yamaguchi’s stripped off his shirt and thrown it on the ground. Kei throws his glasses on the bedside table and gets comfortable.  


“Hey, Tsukki?”  


He smiles. Yamaguchi can never just settle down and sleep. “Yeah?”  


“What’s it like to kiss somebody?”  


A shock runs through Kei’s whole body. “What, you’ve never kissed?”  


“I mean, like my mom and stuff. But never romantically.”  


Kei tries to control the hammering of his heart. “Uh, I dunno. It’s okay, I guess. Why? You planning on kissing your date?”  


Yamaguchi chuckles. “No. Besides, I don’t think Kenma’s even into that stuff.”  


Kei instantly feels himself go stiff. Isn’t that a guy’s name? “Kenma?”  


“Yeah, Hinata’s friend? I’ve told you about him before.”  


Something ugly and terrible threatens to choke off Kei’s air. Yamaguchi is going on a date. With a guy. Yamaguchi is open to dating guys.  


But not Kei.  


“I’ve never been on a date with a girl before, not to mention a guy. I’m actually really nervous about it. I’ve met Kenma before, but not with this kind of pressure, you know?”  


Kei doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know if he can.  


Dimly, he hears “Tsukki? Are you sleeping?” from across the room. He says nothing. Instead, he listens as Yamaguchi settles down in his bed.  


This is infinitely worse than Yamaguchi being straight. Because it means that he purposefully not choosing Kei.  


Kei’s hand moves to clench his shirt over his chest. He presses his face into his pillow and resists the urge to cry. Why does this have to hurt so badly?

  


A few days later, he gets a text from an unknown number.  


>>my unrequited luv and ur unrequited luv r going out tonight Y!?  


What kind of idiot takes the time to spell out ‘unrequited’ but not ‘love’? Kei’s pretty sure he knows who it is, but he texts back anyway.  


>>Who is this?  


>>kuroo. we made out that 1 time.  


Kei feels a wave of nausea.  


>>Yeah, I remember. And I think Hinata convinced them.  


>>i’m gonna kill him.  


Kei thinks that’s the end of it until his phone buzzes again.  


>>wanna meet up &…?  


Kei can’t help the violent scoff that erupts from his lips.  


>>Delete my number and die.  


>>thats fair.  


The conversation puts Kei in a horrible mood for the rest of the day. He’s even more snappish than usual, and his scowl is so deep it even hurts his face a little. It carries over into the night while Yamaguchi is flitting around their room, trying on different shirts and complaining about every single one. Kei tries to block Yamaguchi out with his headphones, but eventually he can’t stand it and takes them off.  


“I mean, it’s not like it’s that serious. I shouldn’t even be worried about this!” Yamaguchi’s voice is higher than normal, and he looks like he’s about to cry.  


Kei stands and picks up a deep purple shirt with a little dinosaur in the corner. It’s his favorite. “This one,” he says gruffly.  


Yamaguchi stares at him. Kei shoves it into his hands and heads for the door.  


“I’m going for a run. Have a nice time.”  


Kei takes off running as soon as he’s out of the dorm. He takes his usual route, and then keeps going. He runs until the sun sets, and his legs feel like fire, and he can’t breathe. But he can’t seem to get away from the pain in his chest, the stinging in his eyes.  


He only stops once his phone starts ringing. He slows, wiping his face on the front of his shirt. He checks the caller ID, and thinks about not answering.  


“Hey, Suga.”  


“Tsukishima! Why are you breathing so weird?”  


Kei gasps for air. “Running. I think…I’m dying.”  


Suga laughs. “Where are you? We’re drinking and watching “The Bachelor.” You should totally come over!”  


“Uh.” Kei blinks and rubs his face into his shirt again before he checks the street signs. “I think I’m actually around your apartment. But I’m disgusting, so.”  


“You can shower here! I’ll lend you some clothes, though they might be a little short.”  


Kei takes a deep breath. He doesn’t really feel like being around people, but the thought of going back to the empty room and waiting for Yamaguchi to come back from his date.  


“I’ll be there soon.”

  


He feels pretty okay when he leaves Suga’s house. He’d gone in hating the show, and come out liking it a little, maybe, and spending time with Suga, Daichi, Noya, and Asahi had been better than being home alone.  


But when he gets back to the room and Yamaguchi isn’t back yet, his mood is instantly sour. He checks his phone: it’s almost midnight. He gets in bed, and when the silence threatens to drive him crazy, he pulls his headphones on and stares at the wall. It feels like he lays there forever, but he does manage to fall asleep.  


He awakens slightly when Yamaguchi pulls off his headphones. “You’re going to go deaf one day, Tsukki.”  


Kei sighs and shifts around. He’s slightly aware of Yamaguchi moving around in the room, but quickly on his way back to sleep.  


Until he feels Yamaguchi’s hand in his hair. He hears his own breathing stutter, but he’s almost convinced he’s dreaming, so he can’t seem to react beyond that.  


“Goodnight, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says softly.  


The hand disappears, and right before Kei falls back asleep, he’s convinced himself that it had simply been a moment of delirious wishful thinking.

  


Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything about the date the next morning. In fact, the only thing he does say before rushing off to class is that he’d be a little late meeting at the Foam and Steam, because he had to meet with a few people about a project.  


Kei knows he’s being selfish, but he really doesn’t want to hear about the date. At all. But as soon as he sees Suga and Daichi in Kei’s regular booth, he knows it’s definitely going to come up, and probably as soon as Yamaguchi appears.  


“Hey.” Kei slides into the booth but doesn’t make eye contact with either of the men.  


“Update us.”  


Kei glances up to see Suga’s elbows on the table, his chin propped up on his hands. Kei busies himself by rifling through his book bag. “You know as much as I do.”  


“Lies!”  


“He got home late and rushed to class this morning. We didn’t talk about it.” His marketing textbook is suddenly very interesting to him.  


“You have to be holding out.”  


Kei sends Suga a scathing look. “I’m not.”  


Suga blinks. Kei drops his gaze, but from his peripherals he sees the couple exchange a Look. It puts him even more on edge. Not long after, the front door opens and a bundle of Yamaguchi/Yachi come tumbling in.  


“Ask him yourself,” Kei mutters.  


"A wild Yamaguchi appears!" Suga claps his hands and laughs.  


“Sorry I’m late—oh! Tsukki, you got my drink.” Yamaguchi tries to catch his eye as he smiles at him.  


Kei nods and makes room for Yamaguchi. He tries not to explode when the skin of their bare legs brush—damn shorts weather. Yachi pulls up a chair and sits at the end of the table, stammering her apologies for being late.  


"So."  


Kei resists the urge to punch Suga in the face. Yamaguchi lets off a nervous laugh, and he shifts uncomfortably in the booth.  


“I kind of expected the third degree,” he chuckles.  


Suga laughs and claps his hands. Daichi rubs the back of his neck and gives Yamaguchi a sympathetic grin.  


“It was nice,” Yamaguchi says. His small, freckled hands wrapping around his coffee cup catches Kei’s eye. “We went out to dinner, and then walked to the park, and we really just sat around and talked there.”  


God, Kei’s stomach is rolling. He lets out a slow breath through his nose.  


“What did you talk about?”  


“I dunno, Suga. A lot of stuff.”  


Don’t freak out, Kei, he coaches himself. Don’t freak out.  


“Are you okay, Tsukki?”  


He blinks, meeting Yamaguchi’s gaze. As he takes in his friend’s worried glance, he casts his eyes around the table. Everyone’s staring at him. He feels his face heating up.  


“Um.” He drops his gaze, scratching the back of his neck. “Forgot I had something due tomorrow. I should probably go back to the room and get my stuff.”  


“Oh. Okay.”  


Kei throws his stuff in his bag as Yamaguchi slides out of the booth. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone as he tries not to run away from the table. As his hand touches the door, he has the sudden urge to look back.  


Yamaguchi is still standing, facing Kei’s retreating form. The light is illuminating his hair, and Kei can see his smatter of freckles even from across the room. They lock eyes, and Kei thinks he sees something like frustration in Yamaguchi’s dark gaze.  


I have to tell him, Kei thinks. I’m going to go crazy if I don’t.

  


Kei spends the next three hours pacing around their room. He thinks about going for a run, but he doesn’t want to have to shower and miss Yamaguchi. He also doesn’t want to get any sweatier than he already is.  


Eventually he convinces himself to lay back on his bed, music blaring through his headphones. He feels himself start to relax a little as the songs rotate through, and his puts his hands behind his head, running through different things he wants to say.  


He’s so absorbed with this thoughts that he doesn’t even hear someone come into the room until his bed dips slightly and a hand presses lightly against his calf.  


He jumps, his eyes startling open. Yamaguchi’s sitting down by Kei’s knees. Kei watches Yamaguchi’s lips curve to form words, but it takes him a second to process before he can reach up and pull his headphones off.  


“What?”  


Yamaguchi gives him a tiny smile. “I said can we talk?”  


“Uh.” This is not how Kei planned this to go at all. “Yeah? Yeah. Of course.”  


Yamaguchi’s hand flexes against Kei’s skin before he pulls it back into his lap. “I only recently figured out that I like guys.”  


Kei stares. His heart constricts painfully in his chest, and he’s suddenly filled with unease. What is happening. “Okay.”  


Yamaguchi drags his nails across his bare arms. “I’d never really been interested in dating or anything, but I’ve always liked girls. So it was kind of surprising to find that I liked guys, too. Hinata’s been helping me out a lot.”  


Kei sits up slowly, giving Yamaguchi a tight nod. He suppresses a surge of jealously that Yamaguchi went to Hinata about this, but Kei feels like Yamaguchi is on his way to making a point.  


“The whole thing with Kenma was really sudden.”  


They stare at each other for a moment. Kei feels like Yamaguchi wants him to say something, but he can’t bring himself to interrupt whatever flow Yamaguchi’s on.  


“So, I’m sorry that I upset you,” he finishes finally.  


“Upset me?” Kei’s brow furrows. Does Yamaguchi know? The idea makes Kei sweat.  


“You’ve been acting really strange since I told you about the date, and I know we don’t really talk about this stuff, but I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was keeping something from—”  


“Are you seeing him?”  


Yamaguchi’s nails stop in their slow drag across his skin. He stares at Kei with dark, wide eyes. “Kenma?”  


Kei feels his face heat up, but he keeps his gaze steady. “Yeah.”  


“Uh, no—no, I mean it was nice, but we’re just friends.” Yamaguchi shifts a little, his hip bumping against Kei’s leg. “He’s in love with his best friend anyway, so.”  


“Who?” Kei wrinkles his nose. “Kuroo?”  


Yamaguchi nods. A tiny smile creases the corners of his eyes as he takes in Kei’s disgusted expression.  


“Ew. God. Why.”  


Yamaguchi laughs a little. “You made out with him, if I remember.”  


Kei’s gaze slides to the side. This wasn’t going the way Kei’d intended, but he was used to acting on impulse. “Yeah, because I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I’m in love with you, and you had a cute blonde girl draped across your lap.”  


Much like the first time Kei ever laid eyes on Yamaguchi Tadashi, time slows to a stop around them. Kei takes in the stiffening of Yamaguchi’s spine, the bright flash of shock that widens and shines in Yamaguchi’s mahogany eyes. Suddenly, a tear drops off of Yamaguchi’s lashes. He seems just as surprised by it as Kei is.  


Time suddenly snaps back. Kei makes a strange noise in the back of his throat, his hands fisting in his comforter.  


“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi gives off a shaky chuckle as he swipes the back of his hand across his eyes. “I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.”  


“I’ve wanted to say it for a long time,” he admits.  


“The first time I thought I might be bi was the night that I saw you kissing Kuroo. It hurt so much.” Yamaguchi’s hand comes up to fist in his shirt, right over his heart. He drops his gaze, which allows Kei to actually bring oxygen to his brain. “I thought, ‘this isn’t how friends are supposed to feel.’ And when you put your hands on me to try and get my attention, I wanted to pull you in bed with me. And that’s when I knew, I guess.”  


Kei shifts forward towards Yamaguchi. “You…liked me?”  


“Like.” Yamaguchi shoots him a shy smile that threatens to kill Kei. “Still.”  


“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kei tries to stop his heart from pounding too hard, but he can’t stop the smile spreading over his face.  


“Well, you obviously knew what you liked! And you never made a move on me or anything, so I thought you didn’t like me like that.” Yamaguchi covers his face with his hands to hide the red creeping over his cheeks. “And Kuroo is tall and suave and has really great arms. And I’m not like him at all.”  


Before Kei could think better of it, he was on his knees, his fingers gently prying Yamaguchi’s hands off his face. “Kuroo is a fucking creep with ridiculous hair. And your arms are amazing. And I don’t know if you’re suave or not, but every time you speak I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, but in a good way.”  


Yamaguchi stares up at Kei, his expression a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure. Kei takes a deep breath, trying to control himself as he puts his palms against Yamauchi’s face—finally, _finally_ —and drags a thumb across his lower lip.  


“I’m in love with you. Every part of you.” His voice sounds shaky to his own ears, but he can’t find it in him to care when Yamaguchi’s breath catches like that. “I want to prove it to you. Be my boyfriend, Tadashi. Please.”  


There’s a moment where time doesn’t even mater anymore. All that matters is Yamaguchi’s bright grin, his small, curiously hot hands coming up to circle Kei’s wrists.  


“Please take care of me from now on, Kei.”  


Kei lets out a breathy laugh, bumping his forehead against Yamaguchi’s. “Yeah. We’re the biggest idiots out there. This took way too long.”  


He thinks that Yamaguchi is going to say something, but suddenly, Yamaguchi’s chin tips forward and he snags Kei’s lips with his own. Kei’s hands bump against the bottom of his glasses, and he doesn’t even have time to close his eyes before Yamaguchi’s pulling away.  


“Sorry, Tsukki,” he says, his voice just a whisper.  


“Don’t be.”  


Yamaguchi hums a little as Kei runs his thumbs over the crest of his cheeks, caressing the beauty marks there the way he imaged doing so many times. Yamaguchi squeezes his wrists a little. Kei’s pretty sure he can die a happy man as he leans forward and presses his mouth against Yamaguchi’s. 

  


The next day, there’s a bigger group of their friends than usual at the café. Kei is in line with his headphones on. He’s preoccupied with thoughts of Yamaguchi when he feels a pair of hands slip around his chest. Kei startles slightly, slipping off his headphones and tilting back to look over his shoulder.  


“Hey.” He smiles and reaches up to pat Yamaguchi’s hair. “What’s up?”  


Yamaguchi’s eyes are bright, and he presses his face into Kei’s back. “Nothing.”  


“Sure.” Kei twists just enough so that he can press his lips to Yamaguchi’s forehead. “Wanna take my stuff to the booth? Your whole army is here today.”  


Yamaguchi glances over and promptly turns red.  


“Who did you tell?”  


Yamaguchi has the decency to look a little guilty. “I texted Hinata this morning.”  


Kei shifts his eyes to smirk at the table. All eyes are on them, and Suga is practically salivating. Hinata jumps up and put his fists in the air, his face split in a blinding smile.  


“Remember: you did this,” Kei says.  


Yamaguchi laughs and takes Kei’s bag. “Sorry, Tsukki.”  


…  


Tadashi realizes fairly quickly that he loves surprising stone-faced Tsukki almost as much as he loves kissing him.  


And he loves kissing him _a lot_.  


So when he, Hinata, and Yachi are out shopping and they find the most adorable sleepwear, he knows how he will surprise Tsukki next. Hinata and Yachi demand they come back to the apartment to watch a movie and keep Tadashi company while he waits for Tsukki.  


It’s pretty late by the time Tsukki drags himself in from the library. They had just started another film, but all three friends turn their eyes to the door.  


“Sorry it took me so long.” Tsukki appears in the room without his shoes, and instantly freezes.  


Tadashi grins at him. “Aren’t we cute?”  


The suit-like footie pajamas are different: Yachi’s is a duck, complete with a bill sticking out over her forehead; Hinata’s is a monkey, complete with a tail; and Tadash’s is a t-rex, complete with a tail and little claws over his hands.  


Tsukki blinks at them, his eyes trained on Tadashi’s face. After a moment, he shifts his gaze woodenly to Hinata.  


“It’s late. You should leave.”  


Yachi squeaks, though it sounds more delighted than scared. Hinata’s blustery squawk is fully indignant. Tadashi’s smile slips a little as he watches Tsukki dump his stuff on the ground and wrestle Hinata towards the door. Tadashi gets off his bed and follows them towards the door.  


Tsukki turns his face towards Yachi. “I’m sorry, Yachi, you know I like you around. It’s just…”  


“Late.” She grins and pats his arm. “It’s fine.”  


“What about me? You don’t like me around?” Hinata demands, ceasing his struggles for a moment.  


Tsukki throws Hinata into the hall. “Goodbye.” He slams the door behind them.  


Tadashi tries to scratch his arm, but it’s coated in soft green fleece. Tsukki turns around, his face expressionless, and Tadashi watches him pull out his phone. After a second, he holds it up and the camera flash goes off.  


Tadashi feels his eyes widen, and another flash goes off. He laughs (flash) and holds up his clawed hands, barring his teeth. Flash. Then Tsukki's arm is around Tadashi, and he has the camera facing them. Another flash, and once more in which Tadashi is laughing and Tsukki is kissing his cheek. Before he can speak, Tsukki drops the phone on the floor and is dragging Tadashi closer, slotting their mouths together.  


The blood boils instantly under his skin. He opens his mouth instantly, and Tsukki wastes no time slipping his tongue against Tadashi’s. Tadashi melts against Tsukki with a groan, reaching up to bury his hands in Tsukki’s blond hair.  


After a few moments, Tsukki tugs the dinosaur hood off Tadashi’s head, and presses a wet kiss behind his ear. “Take this off.”  


Tadashi shivers and ducks his face into the crook of Tsukki’s neck. “You don’t like it.”  


“I like it.” Tsukki drags his teeth down Tadashi’s neck. “And now I want to show you how much.”  


Tadashi laughs, sliding his hands down to Tsukki’s chest and pushing him back slightly. Tsukki’s face is flushed, and his lips are kissed-pink and shiny from Tadashi’s saliva.  


“How are you going to show me?” Tadashi asks. He’s not even embarrassed by how breathless he is.  


Tsukki grabs Tadashi’s hips and pushes him gently back towards his bed. “I’m going to kiss every inch of your skin until you’re begging me to stop.”  


Tadashi lets himself fall back on Tsukki’s bed. “And if I don’t want you to stop?”  


Tsukki regards him a moment, and Tadashi thinks that he’s never seen something as erotic as Tsukishima Kei hovering over him, eyes sharp but with pupils blown wide, bringing his mouth closer to Tadashi’s.  


“Take. This. Off.” He growls it against Tadashi’s mouth.  


A little later, as Tadashi is being reduced to a quivering puddle under his boyfriend’s kisses, he manages to gasp out, “I love you, Kei.”  


Tsukki pauses in his movement and blinds Tadashi with one of his rare, fully relaxed smiles. “I love you too, Tadashi.”  


Tadashi is pretty sure he can die a happy man as his boyfriend leans in to kiss him more sweetly than he could ever have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, they're too adorable. I really hope you liked it! More volleynerd fics to come :)


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